Wednesday, August 6, 2014

I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues

This is not a post I ever wanted to or planned on writing. Ever. I've tried and stopped for the last seven days, but it's time now. 

My wonderful Lex, who you know I've been having some trouble with lately, has to be retired from riding permanently. She is seven years old. This is killing me. 

The short version is, when I got back on her per the vet's orders--12 days out from the injection, just walk on a long rein--she was fine for a few minutes and then she lost it. Rearing and bucking and all that. I stayed on, but I was having trouble not getting emotional. As soon as I got her to walk a 10m circle, I got off. And burst into tears. M asked why, and I told her it was because I was so worried about what this meant for the horse I love so much.

(And here is where I'm going to start crying AGAIN.)

I called every trainer I know. I called my cowboy friend. I called the vet. They all said the same thing: "she is not going to get better. There are a lot of nice horses out there. Don't kill yourself or torture her."

The vet said the injection should have made her a new horse, and it didn't. He couldn't fix it if it was pain, and if it's behavioral, a horse who stands straight up on a loose rein is an even more dangerous horse than one who rears under pressure. 

M went to do a pony club rating in another state last weekend. When she talked to the other national examiners, she said they all told her that horses with nuchal bursitis should not be ridden at all because they are dangerous. They are known to flip. M had never heard of this problem before, so she didn't know that, or she'd have told me. 

So now the most horrible thing I can think of: I have to find Lex a new home as a broodmare or a companion. She is fine on the ground and requires no more maintenance than a normal healthy horse--just food and water and some friends. I can't believe she will not be mine forever. But I can't afford to keep her. Maybe someday I can take her back, but not now. 

So if any of you knows anyone who is interested in an extremely well bred mare with excellent conformation, please let me know. I just want her to have a good home. I want to make sure her life is better than it was when I found her, so no more research univerisities. Nothing has can happen to her. 

I'd better stop writing before I lose it completely and give myself another crying hangover. But one more thing: please do not ask me if I have tried whatever treatment or fix or whatever (no, chiro will not help. Neither will a padded crown piece. Yes, people have suggested these things this week). I find it quite rude and it's only going to make me feel worse. I'm crazy about this horse. If something could be done, I would do it.

Okay. Deep breaths. Someday, maybe, I will get over this. Let's not cross our fingers. 


  1. I'm so so sorry :( I'm here if you need to talk :(

    1. Thanks girl. I appreciate it and will take you up on it. I think I'm exhausting the people I've been whining to all week.

  2. I'm so very sorry. I can only imagine how upset you must feel. You tried everything you could though. I'm sure you will find her a great home where you can have some peace of mind. Sending warm thoughts your way.

  3. Sorry to hear this. I hope she finds a great home.

  4. I'm so sorry and still am talking to a couple of people. I've been there and know how you feel. It is completely heartbreaking. I will message you tomorrow when I find out more.

  5. I am so so so sorry. :( words cannot describe. If you need someone to talk to here is my email lnwillia at gmail dot com.

  6. I'm so sorry to read this J. There can be no doubt you love this mare and have done all you can for her.
    Hope you find her a happy home.

  7. OMG :( So sorry to hear this about Lex! I'm here if you need to talk ((hugs))
    My email is donovan [dot] jenn40 [at] gmail [dot] com

  8. Very sorry that you're having to make this decision, but I applaud you. Not everyone is strong enough to know when to "call it a day" and do right by the horse. Bravo to you for that and I hope you're able to find her the perfect home.

  9. There may be another treatment option, per the following article, if you have the money for the surgery and a medical facility willing to do it. It states in the article that the injections did not work on the four horses they studied (yes, I know it is a very small sample) but the treatment did work and all four horses returned to their prior work.

    I just thought I would share the information, even if it's not a feasible plan for you.

  10. My heart hurts for you! You are far braver than most, giving Lex the chance to have a wonderful life ahead of her. I know that probably doesn't make it any easier, but I applaud you! If I hear of anything in the KS/MO/NE area I'll let you know.

  11. I'm so sorry for you and for her. I hope you find the perfect home for her.

  12. I'm a new follower, but am familiar with parts of the story as Sprinklerbandit and I have talked about it in relation to Mojito (my blog's namesake). I haven't discussed it yet on the blog, but I've had to make some really difficult decisions with him, and it involves driving down the road crying regularly. He is also 7 and amazing and can't be ridden. I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this, know that there is someone who sympathizes and cries tears with you.

  13. I'm so sorry to hear this. It is clear that you love your horses and you will do what is best for them, even when it's not easy. Lex still has a wonderful life ahead being a mom or a buddy, thanks to you.

  14. I am so sorry to hear this. There are no words to make it stop hurting. Know that you gave this mare a wonderful life and will find her the best retirement. I'm all ears if you need to talk.

  15. Ugh, I'm sorry things turned out that way. I hope you can find her a good retirement home and have complete peace about the decision. Definitely a hard situation to be in.